An eternal Perspective

Convicted is what I feel today. This morning dad and I talked of all the things that are wrong in the world and what can we do about it. I don't know what we can do about it. I know that change has to start with me. I know that this life on earth is nothing. It's just a breath. It is preparation for eternity... forever and ever and ever. Today is all that I am guarenteed to have. Am I serving God? Is it enough that I spend an hour with him and seek him? That I'm investing this time in my family? That I have a beautiful profession as a nurse where I can serve people? Is there more than that?

There are kids dying even as I write this b/c they don't have food in their bellies while I just increased my cholesterol and risk for heart disease by eating a cinnnamon roll this morning. There are people who have never heard of Jesus while I have 5 books about Jesus that I'm reading right now in my own language! There are women who are being beaten and raped in order to have a roof over my head while I have the option of 3 roofs to stay under.

It's an injustice. And I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what my place is. What my role is. Life is more than this time on Earth. What difference can I make?

The Bible says that "No mere man has ever seen, heard, or even imagined what wonderful things God has ready for those who love the Lord". I haven't even imagined? You mean none of the movies are even close to imagining the things he has for us in Heaven? What about Avatar? I mean that is pretty amazing!!!! We haven't even imagined it? This verse makes me think that it is all worth it. All the sacrifice, the hunger, the distance from loved ones, not eating out whenever I want, not living in a fancy house, not having a top of the line car, not getting to see every Wonder in the World. But all of this sacrificed so that people might know his name, his Grace, his forgiveness, his love....

I don't know what my next steps are. Maybe right now it's just read, write, pray, wait. I pray and hope that I have eyes to see, ears to hear and a mind that obeys.

Crazy about Rick Warren!!

So my devotional time is super guided by Rick Warren lately. 40 Days in the Word has been amazing but is coming to the end for me in 8 days. Today's verse is a favorite of mine... goes back to the Showers in Shatford hall freshman year.... "Do not be anxious about anything Danielle, but in everything by prayer and petition, with Thankstgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus." I noticed two things that I need to study someday:
What is the difference between prayer and petition? and What is the difference between heart and mind? See??? God's word jumps out differently even if you've read it fifty billion times!

So with the end of 40 DITW quickly approaching, I picked up The Purpose Driven Life which I have never finished, but started numerous times. It is such a powerful book!!

Last two days:
It's not about Danielle. ( I need to hear that about once every second)
I'm not an accident. ( I don't know that I've ever thought of myself as an accident... praise God, but it was interesting to be reminded that God chose my birthdate, my generation, my country, my city, my parents, my birth order, my sisters... Powerful and it does make me ask the forbidden or maybe just silly question of "why?" Nevertheless, I'm soooo thankful for what he chose for me.

Today will be interesting...I haven't done it yet but today's saying is:
Everyone's life is driven by something.
Yes it is... mine is driven by pleasing people. I'd like to say it's driven by God, but I know that at the center of my life, most of the time, is my desire to be liked and make people happy.

So this is a picture of the time God has given me to regather, assess, and shoot off to the next leg of life's journey. I don't know what is in store, but I'm thankful for the hours he's given me to allow my mind to wander and dream and wonder and ponder and talk to him about all of it.

A holy God and a mucky heart

Today's verse in 40 Days in the Word is:

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Philippians 2:13

I got to insert my name into it... "For God is working in Danielle, giving her the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

Then I got to pray it back to God... "Jesus, you say that you are working in me giving me the desire and the power to do what pleases you... but I feel sooo wicked inside!" Then I thought how is it that a Holy, pure God would be willing to get into all of my muck? To be working inside of me in ways that I am oblivious to and cannot understand or see? To know the intricacies of my thoughts... good and bad? If I were God, I would strike me down with lightning years ago!

But this incredible Jesus gets right down in the muck, pulls up his shirt sleeves and gets to the heart of the matters uninhibited by the filth, no disgust on his face... He just works with a smile, a laugh, an inside joke, and gently leads my heart to repentance, to realization, to wonder, to amazement...

New Season of Searching

After 3 beautiful years in San Diego, I've returned to my lovely hometown Cedar Falls, IA.

What am I doing next? I have NO idea! I've given myself 2 months to seek the Lord, ask, and listen. Not that it is a demand on Jesus that I have answers in 2 months... but I have to set some kind of limit! I've been loving life for the past four days soaking up little Laney smiles and giggles and unique antics. Did God create little ones just to bring JOY into almost every moment of a day?

A study that I am loving right now is 40 Days in the Word by Rick Warren. He just began the campaign mid-January and it has been so powerful. I've been learning tricks to memorizing Scripture and actually taking time to think about what the Scripture says and how I am to apply it to my life. I would like to start the study here in Iowa with a group of people and I'm praying through who to ask and what that looks like.

God wants to be our everything. He doesn't want us to depend on anyone or anything else. He is our only provider. Everything is by his grace. I don't want to give credit for a job, a life, a breath, a relationship, family, friends, etc to anyone or anything other than the grace of God. Every day God steps in and does miracle after miracle. I pray that my eyes will be opened to the ones I have ignored and give thanks and praise for the ones I've taken for granted.

Goals

Times of Transition always bring me back to good ole fashioned goal setting... but now how do you choose which goals to pursue?

Goal: Get my masters degree in Nursing at USD with GI Bill

Goal: Get married and have kids

Goal: Go home for 6 months and go with Word Made Flesh to Thailand or India or ??

Goal: Go to Bethel and get MFT

Goal: Work in Pediatric Oncology

What is the only thing we can bring to Heaven?

1 Peter 1: 24-25 offers incredible insight to the one thing that is eternal and he references Isaiah 40:6

"All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever."

I'm in a time of intense transition... my time with the Navy is coming to an end and with that comes opportunities that make me want to jump up and down for sheer JOY and other times make me want to hide under the covers in fear of the tremendous responsibility and inevitable consequences of every choice and sadness at the closing of a wonderful season.

As I consider my purpose, my giftings, my passions, the work of God in my life, I ask God "What do you want me to do? How can I serve you? What really matters?"

So for now, the answer he's given me is what really matters is His Word. I can't bring my family to heaven, my nursing skills, the patients I've met, the coworkers I've grown to love, my car, my books... all I can bring is the Word of the Lord. So that is where I will begin as I continue to seek him and ask him for direction, for peace, for purpose, for obedience, for adventure, for my dreams, for his will, for his love....influenced by the greats... Abraham, Sarah, Joshua, Ruth, David, Jeremiah, Nehemiah, Mary, Paul, Peter, and Jesus himself in the form of man... my mentors are incredible people to learn about how God works in our lives.

And hopefully in focusing on his Word, my seeking will turn away from asking for things but rather just being.... being with the Father who knows me perfectly and intimately and has the whole world in his hands:)

Birthday Blessing

Psalm 139 is a Birthday Tradition for me... It's like looking through a keyhole into something beautiful and treasured...something you can't fully understand... that fills your mind with sweet dreams and absolute security. Best Birthday present ever... is a relationship with an Almighty, Gracious Father.

The Lord is so good to me. He has blessed me so tremendously.

He searches me and he knows me--->He is active in his relationship with me... I am known.

He knows when I sit and rise---> He's into the details

He perceives my thoughts from afar--->He knows what is coming long before I do. He sees the heart of where my thoughts come from.

He discerns my going out and my lying down. He's familiar with all my ways--->like with my new niece Lane... I know she'll open her mouth expecting food when I kiss her lips or she will let out a wail after a few cries and be comforted immediately by her pacifier... He knows my tendencies, my habits, my expectations.

He knows the word on my tongue before it gets there--->He knows my thoughts... my heart...what my words really mean even if they don't come out right or they aren't perceived correctly

He hems me in and his hand is upon me---> He cares about me...He doesn't allow me to fall apart. He knows all of the pieces of me. There is no where/nothing I can go or do that he doesn't know or won't see.

He created the whole universe...I cannot flee from his spirit or presence. Even in the heavens, the depths of the sea, the early morning or in a far off country---> even there... his hand will guide me... his right hand will hold me fast.

Darkness cannot hide me... there is no darkness in Christ. Only light.

He created my inner being---> my personality, my brain... he KNIT me together in my mothers womb---> knitting is a tedious, intricate, deliberate process/action. Each knot is planned and knit with thought and detail.

I am made so wonderfully that it fills me with holy fear of this God who creates so intricately and intimately.

All I know is that his works are wonderful. Though I was made in a secret place to all humans where they have a limited understanding of what occurs... nothing was hidden from Him.

I was woven in the depths of the earth... woven---similar to being knit... and the depths of the earth?? Before time- his eyes saw my unformed body. Before time... before there were birds, sin, hues of color...

All my days were ordained for me and written in his book before they even occurred---> He's not making this up one day at a time. My days are numbered, planned and known.

God's thoughts about me are precious. They are vast. If I tried to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. Then I would fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion and still God would be with me. Safe in the shelter of His wing. Completely known, understood and loved without measure.

There are wicked people who do not consider my God. Their ways are offensive... especially in light of your perfect knowledge of who I am as well as who they are.

Oh Father, search me and know me... test me and know my anxiety... see that there is no offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.