Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Combat Casualty Care Course AKA C4

Tomorrow I leave in the early AM for San Antonio, TX to meet my fellow military healthcare professionals and learn a tidbit about healthcare on deployment. I had to buy cami's for this adventure and when I look in the mirror... I just can't help but laugh... at myself... out loud. I never ever would have thought 5 years ago that this is where I would be.

I get to meet people from the Army, Airforce and Navy... There are three days of classes from what I understand and 3 days of acting out a deployment health care setting... what that entails I am not sure. I'm nervous and excited. Details to follow if I am still in the mood to blog when I return:)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Redeeming Love

Last night I went to Borders and bought the book Redeeming Love for probably the 6th time as every book I get, I end up giving it away b/c I love it so much. I have probably read it about 10 times and it never fails to sweep me up into the story. It is a book that reminds me of God's reckless love for me... It helps me see myself as I truly am... a whore constantly seeking earthly pleasures and selfish ambitions to fill a hole that only Jesus can fill...

But today as I'm reading it, a character was daydreaming and it brought me back to some sermon given by some pastor who talked about how we have lost our creative nature... and I thought about how I don't allow myself to daydream. If I do, then I must document it by journaling. Otherwise what a time wasting worthless activity! AND by golly... that is a lie and today I took a few minutes to let my mind wander and daydream... about my future, the ocean, God, etc... I think that it might make God glad to free our minds from constant "purposeful" activities and just let go.

I'm moving:) I'm moving to the beach. I'm moving in with three girls. I am saying good bye to a little one bedroom apt where I learned that who I am alone is not always consistent with who I am with people. One thing is for sure, you do find out new things about yourself when you are alone and you are forced to come to terms with it! When I think about moving, it is like a fresh breeze blows on my cheeks. It is time. Time to recognize that I do not thrive in every circumstance, that I have to have courage to change things I am able to change and accept the things I cannot. I can't change that I live in San Diego far from friends and family. I can change that I hate living alone! Some confusing sadness and insecurity cause me to question this decision... but it is always difficult to let go of the familiar. It might be easier to stay stagnant, but it sure isn't healthy.