Wednesday, December 8, 2010


Today a group of 21 people get to step onto a plane that will fly over the Pacific and land in Manila, Philippines in just 19 hours. Incredible. Really incredible if you think about it. The world we live in has allowed us to do absurd things. And really, God has given us such a privilege to travel 1000's of miles and experience new cultures and people with such ease. I am so thankful this morning.

To my dear friends who are facing the anticipation of a white Christmas and cold weather... think of me when you get those shivers and snuggle into your warm sweaters and scarves and curl up by the fire... Think of me and pray:)

Pray that we have team unity, Pray that we have our listening ears on as we experience a foreign culture that is different than ours, Pray that we take our American glasses off and put our Filipino glasses on, Pray that we get to share Great News at such a beautiful time of the year, & Pray that seeds would take root and spread wide and deep.

The Philippines is one of the #1 "sending" countries in the world. Since it is a poorer country that has wonderfully intelligent people and value education, many families send their children to another country to work so that they can make more money.

SOOOO we want to equip them with knowledge of who Jesus is, what he's done for humanity, and the promises that exist for all people everywhere if they would just believe that Jesus is God, that he came in human form, performed miracles, changed lives, died willingly, & ROSE FROM THE DEAD and continues to change lives, perform miracles and equip His people to live lives of change, anticipation, so much HOPE, and adventure. Then, as they go out all over the world, they will share this HOPE and Wonderful news.

Father, thank you for this privilege. Thank you that you give this to anyone who is willing to go. Your heart is for the nations. You love and desire for humanity to know you is greater than the than the billions of light-years of space that exists. You have gone before us these next two weeks and you know every minute detail of this trip and the people we will encounter. You're surprised by nothing. We go under divine protection from the evil one. We have nothing to fear. So thank you. I anticipate extraordinary things and will be looking for the evidence of your hand. Thank you that you allow every person to take part in this trip through prayer. And you incline your ear to hear the faintest whispers of our hearts. Thank you that you have ordained people to take part by praying. I am celebrating the ground they will take by their prayers and praying special blessings on their lives as they do the greater work. :):)

Much love to you all and I'll do a recap on the trip when I return!!!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Parallels of life in the Military and life in Jesus

A 'Veteran' - whether active duty, discharged, retired, or reserve - is
someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to
"The United States of America," for an amount of "up to, and including his
life." - Unknown

“I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” – Paul the Apostle

These two statements parallel one another. There are so many similarities in being a Christian and joining the military…

It’s an entirely new culture
you learn a new language
a new set of rules or regulations or standards to live by,
you answer to an authority,
your life is not your own,
you give up your freedom... freedom of time, choice, priorities, rights, etc
you adopt a mission
your life has purpose
you're a part of a larger community that brings about bonds that nothing can break...

I remember when I was at ODS (the training school for some officers in the Navy) thinking that Christians need to go to one of these training schools... where we get in shape and learn the basics of the world we're stepping into, learn discipline, have mentors... oh wait! did I find that at Impact!?!?!:):):) Maybe not quite as intense as ODS... seeing as it isn't 24/7... but it has driven me to a sleep deprived state where I've learned my body and soul and mind can endure much more than I ever thought possible.

But back to the parallels... the military builds incredible camaraderie, lifelong relationships and commitments...times of terror and times of such incredible fun and laughter... brings life in that you're living for something much bigger than yourself... it creates boundaries which it turns out that we as humans thrive on! One thing it lacks... HOPE. What hope does the war fighting machine bring? The force that sends out it's people to front lines to face bullets, the worst elements a person can experience, fear and terror that were never meant for us in the Original Earth. The terror of seeing legs blown off, young men crippled by cancers due to exposure of toxic chemicals, families torn apart... I see no light at the end of this tunnel... no HOPE.

But my God, my Christianity, my Faith, my Community, my Savior... they bring me HOPE. An incredible tapestry that God has created for us to learn about him, to thrive in relationships, to live for something bigger than ourselves, to live in boundaries that only a loving, compassionate, omnipotent Father would create, sends us out on missions where our lives are put on the line and yet secures the terror that comes with the pervasive HOPE that this is not all there is... that this is just a stepping stone to a life that we are created for.... A life where we are secure in our identity, we have an eternity to live for, every potential need has been thought of and provided for, a life where we get to live with boldness, with adventure and best of all with no FEAR. None. Because Perfect love casts out all fear. A LOVE that sacrificed HIS best for the good of all. Incredible.... so there are some parallels... but I'd say life in Christ is way better than life in Military:) And you might say I'm in two militaries... the physical one and the spiritual one:)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I want to be like a tree.

The other day I went walking. All over Ocean Beach and I came across a part of the sidewalk with an orange cone warning pedestrians. The sidewalk had been torn apart and so as I started to walk around it (annoyed at the small detour), something told me to stop and look. Why was the sidewalk torn up? And when I looked I saw a complex mix of tree roots which then made me look up and see a beautiful green tree with white bark and the clear blue sky as the wallpaper behind it. It was a healthy tree with a birds nest on one of its branches. It's roots had gone so deep and spread so wide and become stronger than the cement that attempted to hold it down that it tore up the sidewalk!

I want to be like that tree with roots that go so deep and spread so wide and become so strong that nothing in this world can hold me down or cause me to shrivel up and die.

The one whose delight is in the law of the LORD,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.

According to the psalmist, to be that tree I must be the one whose delight is in the law of the Lord... the one who meditates on his law day and night.

And then maybe I will truly experience as all God's people should how wide, how long, how high and how deep God's love truly is.

That is my goal and my resolution for the year 2011.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


I'm going to the Philippines:) And do you know what? I always forget if there are two "L's" or just one. There is just one. But I think I will still forget... even after I write this:) Here are some images that showed up when I googled the country:

What I knew before this about the country was: Some of the Christian girls (our missionary friends in Thailand) were born there, my Grandpa Kenealy was stationed there at the end of WWII, and it is islands in Southeast Asia. Thats it.

So here is something that I've realized:

Some of you might remember that I was set to deploy on a humanitarian mission to Haiti with the Navy following the horrific earthquake. With all my bags packed, new uniforms ready, and an excited heart; it was cancelled. My heart was broken. This was what I had joined the Navy for and it had let me down. One of the senior nurses who was prior enlisted (she had many years in the Navy) told me, "Don't worry... something better always comes around in the Navy. It never lets you down and it's always more exciting and more along the lines of what you wanted to do anyway."

Hmmm. Something in my heart said "That's not right." But I found a bit of hope in it. Then I found out about the Discipleship Training school, then I signed up, then I attended, now I'm 8 months in and 1 month from completing the school, and have a trip to the Philippines payed for and time off work.

I was looking out over the ocean this morning on the pier thinking about the last year and I realized that something better DOES always come around... but not because I'm in the United States Navy. It's because I am an adopted daughter of God's family.

"But as many as received him, to them he gave the right to be children of God, to those who believed on his name."

"Behold! What manner of love the Father has bestowed on us that we should be called Children of God!"

And my Father in heaven has only good things planned for me. Some things I might not understand, they might not seem better, and they might not feel better. But I know that "all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to his purpose."

Today, his purpose for me is to complete Impact 195, go on this trip to the Philippines and love and get to know him even better every step of the way.

Will you join in the work by praying? Pray for unity, pray for knowledge of who God is, pray for wisdom in how to love well, pray for humility, and pray that you will daily look for the good things that God has planned for you in your life:)

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Self Sufficiency

There is something that is just not quite right lately in my relationship with the Lord. It is almost as if my heart is hardened and I am not easily moved, I am more irritable, I am less trusting, slower to forgive, quicker to hold grudges, angrier when speaking with God, easily frustrated at my lack of perfection. Something isn't right.

So I am asking for prayer... I am asking God to break my heart; that I would surrender wholly to him. A friend admonished me the other day saying something like, "Why are you doing Impact? Are you getting anything out of it? Because you're always grumbling about it." Truth pierces the heart. As she dug deeper we discovered some deep rooted pride and laziness. Sometimes I don't feel as if I need God. I grew up in a good home, worked hard in school, made good choices, made good friends, got a good job, etc etc. I don't really "need" God. I have money for rent, a place to lay my head, clothes, food, friends, family...and while I said all of this I cringed understanding there may be repercussions for my ignorance and arrogance.

In my head, I know that all things are given by God. He brings rain and sunshine to the good and the evil. But my heart is so stubborn and rebels against complete dependence on him. The only thing I know to do is to pray and beg God for mercy and that I would be stripped of my pride, that my sinfulness would be realized and that my heart would break for what breaks his.

You know those automatic carwashes? Where you just drive your car in, pay the quarters and it scrubs away and you drive out all shiny and clean and do nothing except autopilot? I've been on autopilot for the last few years of my life... maybe my whole life. Thinking if I just go to church, camp, christian school, church internships, mission trips, or discipleship schools that I'll come out all shiny and clean with no effort on my part. Thats where laziness comes in... I spend time with God and do the "right" things... read scripture, pray, occasionally meditate or fast... and expect that just going through the motions, I will be changed. But God doesn't want my sacrifices... he wants my whole life; he wants devotion; he wants a life bent on obedience.

Maybe I am jealous of those around me who have incredible spiritual experiences... who have marked changes in their lives. But I'm not looking for an experience; I'm looking for a change... a life long change. A commitment, A surrender, A courage that is not of this world, but is a difference that draws people to the unconditional love, comfort, peace, and trust that comes out of a relationship with an Almighty God.

I pray that God would honor this request and it would not be by my striving and efforts but by the grace of God.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Generational Blessings

Sometimes I wonder why God has blessed me so much. I wonder why I was born into a family with a nurturing and loving mom and a dad who taught me what beauty is, the value of working hard, and integrity. Two people who stood before God 27 years ago and stuck to their commitment, selflessly raised 3 girls and continue to take an active interest in our lives.

I have grandparents who raised their 7 children in the Catholic church to be upstanding citizens who care about their home and family, their community and the world we live in. My sisters and I have managed to escape the lures of this world and avoided life altering rebellion.

I am just in awe at how God has blessed my family for generations. I wonder if my great great Grandpa on either side realized the full extent and consequences of his actions. I am so completely thankful and want the legacy of God's special blessing and favor to continue on my family for generations to come.

They say in trusting God, sometimes you have to look at the past to see how he's proven faithful because it can be hard to see it in the present. My past is full of the faithfulness of God and his divine protection. Thank you Father.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

God gave me a BIG favor

I sprained my ankle one week ago today. I walked out my front door, waved at my neighbor and the next thing I knew I was on my face with my knee, arm and hand scraped up and a SCREAMING left ankle. First thought: It's broken! I can't move it! Scoot over to the fence so you can elevate it! Call 5East (where I work) and tell them I can't be at the meeting!

Then I see my neighbor peek over our fence and say "Are you okay!? I saw you go down and you never got back up!"

Well eventually, I was able to move my ankle and could even walk on it... so I drove to my meeting with my ankle elevated as best I could in my dodge stratus:) And I walked to 5east, sat through the meeting, my goose egg grew, RN Wayland (my boss) said I must get it checked out in the ER, I walked to the ER and my goose egg blew up and the pain got intense.

I waited 3 hours in fast track, got my first x-ray, my first pair of crutches and instructions to rest, ice, compress, and elevate (RICE) and at least 48 hours of SIQ (Sick in Quarters).

Now here is where God did a great work:

My work schedule for this past week looked like this:

Work Thursday (day after I sprained it) and Monday (5days after I sprained it) and then on call Thursday and then work the weekend.

A typical work schedule for me would be: work Friday/Saturday/Sunday after I sprained it then again Wed and Thursday. God knew that I would need to rest this lovely foot. Ironically, 3 weeks ago, I was so tired and worn out I said to God, "Boy would it be nice to just have a break from work, but there is no way b/c our census has sky rocketed and our staffing is tight" Why do I ever say something is impossible to God?

Introduction to the goose egg (8/18/10):
A lateral view

One Week Later (8/24/10):

Purple Toes!
Purple heel
My Goose egg is a force to be reckoned with... RICE has had quite the opponent with this one.
My fatty left foot...but MUCH improved from one week ago:)

I can't wait to go for a run, go boogie boarding, play volleyball, go for a walk... etc etc. But for now, I want to take good care of it so I'll be able to later:)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Who is Jesus?

A description of Jesus:

"Yes, Jesus smiled; yes, Jesus laughed. Jesus smiled wider and laughed heartier than any human being who has ever walked the planet. He was young. He radiated good cheer. The real Jesus was a man of such merriment, such gladness of heart, such freedom and openness, that He proved irresistible. He became known through Galilee for His genuine strength, the sparkle in His eyes, the spring in His gait, the heartiness in His laugh, the genuineness of His touch; His passion, playfulness, excitement, and vitality: His JOY! He made a dazzling display of love. He set hearts afire. He was an elated, triumphant young man with an incredible quality of life . . . so different from the solemn religious types He constantly encountered." from "Jesus Man of Joy"- Great book and it's online!

Another description:

And standing in the middle of the lampstands was someone like the Son of Man. He was wearing a long robe with a gold sash across his chest. His head and his hair were white like wool, as white as snow. And his eyes were like flames of fire. His feet were like polished bronze refined in a furnace, and his voice thundered like mighty ocean waves. He held seven stars in his right hand, and a sharp two-edged sword came from his mouth. And his face was like the sun in all its brilliance. - Revelation 1:13-16

Do either of these descriptions fit the image/character/personality that you have in mind of Jesus?

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Gifts from our Fathers

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him?" Matt 7:11

This verse made me start thinking about all the good gifts my parents have given me:

-a loving family
-vacations to Wyoming, California, East coast for Civil War and American history lessons, Florida, Texas, Thailand, Colorado, Georgia
-my trip to Cameroon, Africa
-money for nursing school
-a desktop computer
-a laptop
-moved to Cedar Falls for a better school system
-homeschooled us while working part time
-a car (the Honda and stratus and concord)
-allowing us to take part in Easter Productions
-new clothes for school
-a meal every night
-a roof over our heads
-purity rings
-Lucy's guitar
-Katie's bike that led to tears:)
-Letting us keep Willy, Coco, Mavis
-Teaching us to be entrepreneurs with the dog business:)
-dollhouses, barbies, American girl dolls, books, movies, music, cd players, games, etc etc... the list could go on and on... and most of that is all materialistic gifts...
-they gave us love, joy, peace, friendships, godly examples, confidence, sense of adventure and accomplishment, faith, discipline, support, loyalty, belief in our abilities, etc, etc...

How much more will our Father in Heaven give good things to those who ask him?

Friday, July 30, 2010

Miracle of Miracles!

This month I have:
~Lost two roommates which means an increase in rent to cover for the room

~2 trips that Impact 195 students are going on and I cannot so I get to take part by paying and praying... where that money would come from, I didn't know but took a step of faith and committed to supporting 2 fellow students.

~Realized that I have been hanging tight to money and paying from my net income rather than tithing out of my gross income. So I took a step of obedience... a "Christianity 101" step of obedience and portioned out my tithe from my gross income.

~Came to work to find out that I am now a Lieutenant Junior Grade (LTJG) which means an increase in pay! I swore into the Navy in December of 2008 so I thought that I would not promote until December! As I was trying to figure out my finances, I knew that I was taking a couple of little leaps... Like from lily pad to lily pad in a pond... not like from one side of the Grand Canyon to the other, nevertheless they were leaps for me. And you know who was there to catch me and make sure I made it to the other side? The Lord.

My conclusion? God blesses obedience.

I think I need to start a list of miracles in my life:

~Hilary moving to San Diego and being my Summer 2009 best friend when I was desperately lonely
~My Ocean Beach apartment and Carmen
~My schedule at work (working nights) and Impact 195
~Getting time off for our Wilderness trip
~Getting time off for our Nehemiah trip
~Promoting 5 months in advance so that I can give more money to send people and go to the mission field myself in the near future.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

God is bigger than the Navy?

So one of my biggest battles with Impact 195 has been fitting it in my schedule at work. I signed up to be a Navy nurse 18 months ago and it is my primary commitment outside of my commitement to Jesus. But when I heard about Horizon School of Evangelism and then Impact 195, I knew I had to do one of these schools. It was a deep longing in my heart and something I just ached to be a part of. So when it looked like it might be possible, I jumped:)

But then, I was not going to be able to keep the night shift schedule and my heart broke. Then God broke through that barrier and I've been on nights for 3 months now and only 6 more to go! I'm learning a lot on night shift and building beautiful relationships with my coworkers and learning a lot about Oncology. Night shift allows you to speak with patients in the lonely hours and it is a wonderful thing.

Then I needed to request a good amount of time off for the trips and I ran into problems with the dates I requested and the dates that this second trip is on. It's called the Nehemiah trip and basically we get to study the Bible in depth for a week... LOVE IT.

I asked for the wrong dates. I got the wrong dates off and got notice on the correct dates from Impact. I was mad at Impact. Mad that they weren't considerate that some of their students also work full time. Mad that I felt disrespected in that I'm working full time and going to school and can't switch my schedule on a whims notice. One person said to me, "God is bigger than the Navy. Pray that you get the dates off." ................................anger, fury, indignation, hurt, distrust...... ugly feelings.

But my mentor encouraged me to pray. And I did and I asked for the dates off. My scheduling officer has gone above and beyond to help me out with my scheduling requests. I don't know how to describe how easy it has been to approach her and work with her. What a relief rather than another burden.

She couldn't get the dates. She tried taking me off the schedule then switching me with people and it just wouldn't work. I was sad but understood.

So I rebelled against the school and decided I'd hit the road and go home and miss a week and a half of school... if they weren't going to respect my schedule, I wouldn't respect theirs. :):):):) Such a godly woman..... (insert lots of sarcasm here...)

And I didn't feel peace about going home, but I got my mom's, Betsy's, Megan's, my sister's hopes up and that felt good. Then God said "You tell your family and friends that you aren't going home and tell your scheduling officer that you don't need time off to go home but if anything opens up for the Nehemiah trip to please keep my scheduling request in mind."

So I worked that night and my scheduling officer said, "Danielle, do you still need that week off? Because I can work it out now. Someone's schedule changed and opened it up."

Is there anything else I need to say?

Friday, June 25, 2010


Today I am so grateful. Grateful for the creation of life. For the miracle of life. For creativity. For beauty. For family and the miracle of the bond which no one can break or explain. I am so excited to celebrate two lives being knit together this weekend. I am so excited to celebrate 4 generations of lives that share a common name and common heritage and common blood. I am so thankful for Grandma and Grandpa and the legacy that they have left. The miracle of a legacy of faith. Just recently, I have been thinking how special and unique a family full of believers is. It's as if the Murphy/Kenealy clan has been chosen by God just as the Israelites were a chosen people. Is that narcissistic? Maybe so, but I can't help but notice the uniqueness of this family. The quote by C.S.Lewis is the closest explanation of the feeling I get when I think of family, life, love...“If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world”

Friday, June 18, 2010

Old Testament Law

Who knew that Old Testament Law could ignite such a grateful, adoring heart for me today!

Deuteronomy chapter 6 God lays out exactly what Israel is to do to keep his favor and love. Here's Danielle's version:

"Here is the commandment and the regulations that god has given you so that you will fear the Lord and so that you will know how he judges that you might find favor with him. Be careful to follow my command and you will be multiplied! Surely you will see the land flowing with milk and honey as I the Lord have promised.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength.

These words will be in your heart and this is how you will remember them: you will teach them diligently to your children, you shall talk about them when you're sitting, walking, lying down, and when you get up. You wear them on your arm and write them on your forehead. They will be displayed on the doorpost of your house!

And then the Lord will give you beautiful cities that you didn't build, houses full of things you did not fill, gardens that produce that you did not sow, wells that you did not dig.... "

The Lord our God he is soooooo good!!!! He is faithful. He is a blesser. He is generous. He is forgiving. He is clear about his commands and expectations. He is wisdom. He is a listener. He cares. He is mercy. How can we stop praising and adoring him? How can we deny ourselves his fellowship minute by minute? How can we not see that he is orchestrating every string of life? He is in complete control. He offers leadership to his people and gives us gifts by his spirit to fulfill those leadership roles....

He is good. He is worthy to be praised.

Have you not know? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord. The Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary. And the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not grow faint. IS. 40

The Lord does not get tired. We cannot every comprehend how well/how much he understands. He gives us strength b/c we will get tired.

All we have to do is wait on him. Wait on him and strength, might, and power will descend on us and we will mount up on wings like eagles. We will run and not be weary. We will walk and not grow faint.

what a mighty God we serve.

Thursday, June 10, 2010


I've never quite understood when people say they heard something from God. I've often times said, "God, please help me out here... I don't know what to do and you do." and then I go on my merry way and do the next LOGICAL action. Which sometimes doesn't work or just makes me feel like I'm really completely on my own in life with no higher power looking out for me.

It's going to start out sounding funny... Well the other day I was talking to my mentor and wanted to ask her a question about her son but could not remember his name. So I asked God what it was. And I chose to have peace and faith that he would tell me. I denied the desire to feel anxious and get mad at myself for my poor memory. And then his name just came to me and I was able to ask about her son by name.

Then at work the other night, we were trying to get access to a port-a-cath which is a central line that we draw blood from and give IV medications. We HAVE to get blood return in order to give medications and it saves the patient from getting poked 50 million times for peripheral iv access and blood lab draws. So I was in the room with a corpsman and he had attempted an IV, I had attempted one and he was trying again. We had already done EVERYTHING we could to get blood return including using blood clot busting meds to make the line patent. So I thought, "I'll just try one more time".... after many flushes and no blood return... I finally asked God. I said, "Lord, we need blood from this woman and she is tired of being poked and being in pain." I heard "ask about her children." So I did. And the minute she started talking about them, bright red blood came out of her port-a-cath!!!! We got the lab draws we needed, and we were able to use the central line! I was so excited that I said, "Ma'am do you know what just happened? I asked God how we were going to get blood return and he said to ask about your children and then I got blood return!" She and her husband said that people are praying for her as she fights this oncology battle. I got to tell some of my coworkers too... and though I felt fear of being seen as crazy... it was too cool to keep in:)

I was thinking about it today... about how I know I heard or if it was just my tendency to ask questions about family or the way I pulled the syringe, etc, etc. And I don't know other than I heard the answers to my questions and the answers proved true. It felt like when someone comes up to you on a stressful day and just starts massaging your shoulders. It feels so good and you've done nothing to deserve it, but relaxation flows right through your body. Thats how it felt.

I want to ask bigger things from God now because I think he just might be listening and answering.

Sunday, June 6, 2010


Sometimes working on an Oncology ward, you get to see the most beautiful simple demonstrations of love. A wife of 50 + years caring for her husband, smoothing out the pain wrinkles between his eyes, lying beside him when he is in pain, making him laugh, singing favorite hyms… death truly can be a beautiful thing. And love in its simplest forms stirs even a hardened heart. Today at work, my heart felt hard. I was irritable and impatient; but I felt my heart melt as I watched this wife care and speak the physical language of love to her husband. How can one not look on and wonder at the love between a man and a woman? Though I am sure they have had struggles and have hated one another at times. And though sometimes the husband gets impatient with the motherly like questions his wife asks while he is here, love is evident and has sustained them. What a gap for this woman when her husband finally passes. The person she has woken up to every morning, shared her concerns about life with, cried with, laughed with, played with, discovered, created… her steady companion who knows her better than anyone else on earth will soon be gone from this life. What tragedy and yet beauty for it proves true that one can truly stick together come sickness or health.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

How deep how wide, how long, how high

I pray that Christ would be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. That your roots would go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love and may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should how wide, how high, how long and how deep God's love really is. My you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understandt it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God. (It's in Ephesians and it's beautiful:))

I pray that I will have a profound, genuine experience of God's love. We were challenged today to pray this and only this for one year. I thought, that's a really good idea. Then I went home and said, "God, I would like to have a profound, genuine experience of God's love. Also, I would like to fall in love. Also, I would like Katie to move to San Diego. Also, I would like to conquer my fleshly desires. Also, I would like supernatural patience and wisdom with my patients at work tonight."

So much for one prayer for the rest of the year:)

Friday, April 30, 2010

Focus on Today

Over and over we have been encouraged to focus on today. We cannot meet with God yesterday or tomorrow. God wants to meet with us today. I should have an expectation in every moment that God wants to astonish me with something. I am lucky that I am in a class where every day people are trying to astonish me with God's word.

In applying that, I'm realizing that I don't need to worry about tomorrow or next month or a year from now. God wants to meet with me right now. My responsibility is to love Jesus right now. I don't need to worry that in 4 days I have to work 3 nights in a row and go on a little less sleep. I don't need to worry that I might not have energy for visitors a few months from now. I don't have to worry that I might never find someone to share life with. The Bible says, Do not worry about anything, but in everything present your requests to God.

Today I'm thankful because I get to continue going to Impact 195. My boss made it possible and even changed the existing schedule so that I could be on nights. It was nothing short of a miracle in my mind. I'm thankful because every day that I get off work, I have a comfortable bed to sleep in. I have food and coffee to help motivate me out of bed. I get to look forward to surrounding myself with new friends and family at Impact every morning. I have so much to be thankful for. I've been calling my mom on my way to work more often which is so encouraging. I get to talk to Lucy and Katie whenever our schedules line up. I have a future and a hope. I am loved with an everlasting love. What do I have to complain about today?

Saturday, April 17, 2010

How bad do I really want this?

Wednesday morning after working 2 12 hour shifts and having a restless bit of sleep the day before (from drinking coffee too late in the day I've concluded), my boss pulled me into her office to tell me she is going to reject my request to go to nights. What this means is that I will work days and have to miss a lot of my classes. She said she would deny the request for various reasons... some good, some questionable in my eyes. The entire time I was thinking "Oh God, Oh God, what do you want me to do? What do you want me to say? She's going to take this opportunity away from me! How can this be happening!?"

After much discussion and asking her to reconsider, I went to the back and cried my eyes out. I called me poor dad and sobbed... the kind where he said, "Danielle, you need to breath." --oh yeah... but my heart hurt so badly that it was hard to breath. So I went to IMPACT with puffy eyes and a shaky voice. My small group prayed for me and that my boss would reconsider in my favor.

Today I returned to work and I am on the day schedule. So now I wonder if God is asking me how badly I want this. How far are you willing to go? I'm going to have to go up my chain of command so that I can express how much I want to do this program and how it will benefit the Navy. This is so scary and intimidating. So the prayers will continue.

And to be authentic, I haven't been praying. I've been cleaning, sleeping, watching tv and hanging out with friends instead of praying. I haven't knelt at God's feet and listened.

I'm afraid sometimes to sit at God's feet and listen. But today I did... I read Psalm 97 and prayed. And then I slept 3 blissful hours that felt like 8 hours when I woke up. Maybe he really does refresh better than anything else... including my favorite show The Office:):)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Newest Piece of Blasphemy... Men Beware!

George gave little nuggets about marraige on Monday and do you know what my favorite one was?

The statement that "Women are impossible to figure out." is Blasphemous!!!! HURRAYYYY!!!! Do you wanna know why? Because we are wired to let you know everything that is going on in our heads. We're constantly talking and feeling and crying and emotioning. Try not talking to us for one day and we might possibly go crazy! My friends in high school and college would sometimes tease me and challenge me to go 5 minutes without talking... I love challenges and I like to win them. I lost every time. Because even more than loving the challenge, I love to be known and understood and I will do whatever I need to do to be understood. And the best way I know how to be understood is to talk it out.

Men on the other hand, ARE impossible to figure out! Proverbs 20:5 "The purpose of a man's heart is like deep waters". They are the ones who can sit cool as a cucumber while fuming, worrying, fearing beneath the surface and not a soul could know it!

I thought this was revolutionary:)

So he gave us guides:

L: Lose your life Eph 5:24-26 25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
--To be an excellent husband and father , a man must lose his life. Just as Christ says, "In order to find your life, you must lose it." What does it look like to lose your life? Possibly putting away your hobbies, extracurricular, your boats, bikes, big houses, tv's, video gaming systems... anything that takes away from the time needed to spend getting to know, studying and spending time with wives and children and most of all studying and spending time getting to know and understand God's will.
O: Observe her carefully 1 Peter 3:7 : "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."
--Again, women are open books. If you study your wife, you will know what makes her tick, what makes her mad, what her day was like, how she's feeling, etc, etc. Just study!

V: Value her above all else Prov 31:10 "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies."
--Yup, we're valuable:)

E: Express affection that is due her. 1Cor 7: 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
--What is sex? It is an expression of affection. It's not about performance or pleasure but about affection. What is affection? The spontaneous expression of love.

George encouraged the ladies of our class to pray for a man who will live according to the will of God. And what woman would not want a man who treats her as above? No matter what he might look like on the outside.

So then for the women:
He started with the "T". Trust which is the basis of submission.

S: Self initiated-No one can force me to submit. The word says "Wives submit to your husbands" it does not say husbands you should make your wives submit!

U: Unconditional Trust- We have to trust him with ourselves, our lives, our families

B: Beautiful- This trust and submission causes beauty. A woman who is L.O.V.E.D. and in turn S.U.B.M.I.T. does not carry the weight of carrying the responsibility of the world and the marraige. We were not meant to carry that weight. So a woman who is secure in her relationship with her husband radiates beauty.

I: Intimate- The trust is intimate

T: Trust- The basis of submission 1 Peter 3:1-6 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

The husband is called the head of the marraige. What is the head? It is the brain. The place where information is processed. So information is given from the wife, from the Word and from the husband himself which is then processed so that the husband can make the best decision for the body.

God did not create women to carry the weight of the stress of marraige. It is the privilege and responsibility of men.


Also, in regards to parenting... no where in the Bible does it ever talk about women raising, disciplining, teaching the children. The job and responsibility of raising children fall on men if we live biblically! The woman is the helper in raising the children, but again, the responsibility falls to the men.

Wow. It makes me SO SO glad that I'm not a man. And so SO concerned about the mixed signals men get from women, our society, the media, the church, etc.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Hard Call of Christ

Maybe all this time I have been a spectator of Christianity. Fascinated by men and women who are sold out to him by American standards. The ones who talk about Jesus Christ so freely, those who radiate love for difficult people, those who are willing to make sacrifices to spread the Gospel. I think of my friends Sheila in Kolkata and Katie in Lima. I think of Umfundisi living in Cambodia where he'd step out of the shower only to be drenched in sweat again, of Pastor Ben hungry to read and teach the Word to young people, of George willing to give up the desire to go in order to help send, of Kim whose passion for God led her to give up her gym membership, of Dr. Bounds who had so much knowledge of who God is and shared so eloquently... these are just a few of the people in my life that I've looked to for years or just now days and seen that God does ask people to do hard things. And people are willing to do hard things for him. I don't know that I'm ready to take part and play the game. I sort of want to be a spectator and watch it all from a comfortable distance and allow my emotions to skyrocket and dive. I don't want to jump off and take the risk myself. I'm not ready. My heels are dug into the earth but something just keeps pulling me forward and I'm not sure I want to know what forward is.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I can't overspend God's grace

We take a class called "Identity Transformation". We are studying Ephesians. It's all about learning how God views me which I can learn through prayer, God's word and meditation. Right now how I view myself effects how I interact with others which effects how others view me and then how they interact with me. That's the cycle George taught us. So if I can begin to view myself the way God views me, it will change the way that I treat people and people treat me. Interesting...

Some nuggets I got from the lesson:

"You have to learn to forgive yourself" is BLASPHEMY!! You sin out of selfishness. Eph 5:29 says we cherish and nourish our bodies as Christ loves the Church... So that means I love myself A LOT!!!!!! And we hate everyone else b/c no one loves me as much as I love myself and think I should be loved. (yikes) We are never commanded to love ourself.

God chose me as Eph 1:4 says "just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world." God selected me individually and chooses me uniquelly.

I thought this was an interesting question: "Why did God create each of us uniquelly?"

So that he could uniquelly choose me! And he says that he chose us before the foundation of the world which means that he chose me before I could DO anything good or bad! Wow...

Also, did you know that the opposite of holy is common? So God says for us to be holy. He doesn't want us to be common. The world wants us to be common. But I am called to live a one of a kind life. And so is everyone else.

So how might that change how we view and treat people if we see them as unique creatures created and chosen by God?

Sometimes my little head can't handle all these big thoughts of God:)

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Life experiences = Value

I am such a tricky sinner. All this time I've held onto the assumption that I do find most of my value in Christ. I'm a sinner, he saved me, I need him, I'm his child.... I've been through the camps, internships, mentoring meetings, counseling sessions, etc. I think I know by now where my value lies. WRONG.

I realized last night that I find value in my experiences. I met up with some people that I haven't seen in a while and I had confidence b/c something new was happening in my life. I wasn't just still working at the hospital as a nurse. No Sir! I had joined Impact! I was doing something... something new had happened in my life that made me interesting with loads of things to talk about.

This has been consistent throughout my life. I'm going overseas, I'm going out of state for school, I'm doing an internship at a church, a camp where I don't know anyone, going back to school for nursing, joining the navy, moving to the beach, doing a Impact...

And I wonder, what value would I have if I had done none of this? I am bound and determined to surprise and interest people in ME not in GOD with the things I do. I've not set out to glorify God. I've set out to glorify myself. Darn.

Monday, March 29, 2010

An Israelite at Heart

You know how the Israelites didn't want to hear God's voice? They wanted Moses to hear it and then tell it to them. They wanted the priests to speak to God and then pass on the message.

Well I am an Israelite. I want someone else to hear God's voice then pass the message on to me. I am too afraid to hear his voice myself. Today in church I was convicted again with "I don't really know God!". My natural reaction to this thought was go buy a book on the theology of God or listen to more sermons or buy another worship album. Then I thought or maybe I should just read the Bible.... but reading a book on God sounds much less threatening than reading the Bible, listening to a sermon about God is much less threatening than listening for the voice of God, and singing a praise song is much less threatening than saying personal praises to God.

So while I read the OT and think... "Those silly Israelites! God chases them and forgives them and loves them... and they still don't get it!", I realize if they had such a hard time of it, why would it be any different for me?

Sunday, March 28, 2010


On Friday, George talked about Saul's conversion. He referred to Acts 9:16 where Jesus says to Anannias referring to Saul, "I will show him how much he will suffer for my name.". The question was given, "Why is suffering a part of the Christian walk?". I thought... Good question because I don't want to suffer. George said God asks us to suffer to show him how much we love him: "Love is measured by how much it is willing to give up."

Turns out, I don't have a whole lot of love for God. I seek earthly comforts every day. From a warm blanket when I'm chilled, a cookie when I wake up, a nap when I'm tired, a movie when I'm bored, a phone call to a friend when I'm lonely, etc, etc.

I'm reading "The Imitation of Christ" by Thomas A Kempis and his words about suffering shot arrows...

"If thou dest set thyself to that which thou ought to do, namely, to suffering and to death, it will quickly be better with thee, and thou shall find peace"

"This is not the power of man, but it is the grace of Christ, which can and doth so much in weak flesh; so that what naturally it always hates and flees from, that by fervor of spirit, it encounters and loves."

"Christ's whole life was a cross and martyrdom; and dost thou seek rest and joy for thyself? Thou art deceived, thou art deceived, if thou seek any other thing than to suffer tribulations; for this whole mortal life is full of miseries, and signed on every side with crosses."

I have not yet come to terms with the idea of suffering. I don't want to suffer. So what do I do when I come to the place where I realize how little I love God and how unwilling I am to make changes (deny myself creature comforts, submit myself to suffering) in order to love him more? Am I the lukewarm people he speaks of in Revelation? I'm leaning toward yes. May God have mercy on my soul.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

You won't have time to read all of this...

Because I'm going to write all the notes down that I took this week at Impact 195. It's my way of processing it. Maybe it won't make sense, maybe it will. My tendency in life is to sit back and be lazy. I let other people do the work, or the program do the work, or the process do the work instead of buckling down and doing the work with the people, program or process. It's a bad habit I've gotten into and will take time to break. Also, I'm learning the leaders names... so I'm just going to put their names above the notes I took off of them when I took notes. These aren't my thoughts... i think if I have some I'll put them in (parenthesis). Here goes...

Matthew 13:24-30 (The parable where someone sows weeds in with the wheat)

the weeds that were sown were called darnelle (I dont' know how to spell it... thats how it sounded when he said it:)) and as baby plants they look identical to the wheat. You can only tell the difference right about harvest time. In life, it's the same... there are weeds or enemies growing around the wheat or us and sometimes it's hard to tell what is weeds and what is wheat.
In the parable, the farmer (God) wasn't surprised when the workers told him that weeds had been planted. He was calm and collected. God knows we have enemies and he's not surprised by them.
Some of our enemies are:
-living according to the world
-Satan-he tries to get us to believe lies
-lusts of our flesh
But we have to remember that Satan is a defeated foe. He has nothing over us. We're in Christ and Christ has already won; therefore we have already won.

(He had us do an activity where we planted seeds for the person next to us. Then we gave away our plant and it is to be a reminder to us for the next 9 months that we HAVE to water and sun the plant just the same that we need to water and sun our relationship with God and we should grow at at least the same rate as the plant)

Don't be surprised if we aren't that excited when you start reading God's word daily or praying regularly or fasting, etc. Those are basic practices. Small steps are great, but if you've been a Christian for a long time, then you should be doing those things already. (He demonstrated by riding a bike around the room asking us what we would think if he (at 39) was excited and expected us to be super excited about him just learning how to ride a bike. We would be excited, but also confused... why didn't he learn that earlier?)

George: Lesson 1 on our Irrevocable Calling
Jeremiah- means raised up by God
he had 40 years of ministry and they were the last 40 years before Israel was taken captive by Babylon. What if we are the final generation before the world or our country is taken captive?

Ps. 119: 109 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.
To know God is to know his word. We need to have hundreds of verses memorized. (I've got a LONG way to go....) God has made the vast majority of our calling clear in his word. God's word is faithful. We need to know God's word.

Over analysis produces paralysis... we often over analyze our calling when it is before our eyes. ( I like this little saying... I have totally over analyzed to the point where I can do NOTHING)

Our calling is:
I'm called to know God's word.
I am formed for a purpose
He calls me to the purpose he fashioned me for.

Is my job my vocation--latin word means "to call" ---- or my occupation ---latin word "to occupy or take up space"---The devil wants to occupy my life.

We are called to know God and be in a relationship with him.

We should know God in the bulk of our day--not just in the fringes of the early mornings or just before bed readings. (So true! Sometimes I get to the end of my day and God has not even crossed my mind)

If you don't know God, you won't know your calling.
If you are fearful of the next step, then you don't know God.

Jeremiah 1:5 I set you apart.

you've been called to be set apart. We have to decide to be set apart. God wants us to decide. He wants us to be decision makers. We want God to make the decisions in our lives b/c we are more concerned about success than obedience. (Yikes--this was new to me... I am completely more concerned about success and whats more is I want someone else to blame if it goes sour! God, it's your fault this relationship went bad... I prayed and told you to show me if it wasn't going to work.)

(Then he applied the whole decision thing to marriage....) Marriage isn't about who you choose to marry but how you choose to live with the person you marry. We want God to tell us who to marry... again b/c we are more concerned with success than obedience. (hmmmm.... relationships continue to be such a tricky thing to me...)

God wants us to make decisions out of the hope that he is a good father. We should be enthusiastic about decision making--we're inspired by the things of God.

Deciding is an act of love for God.

Did I choose my job out of love for God and b/c it matches what God's word says?

Nobody liked their calling including the Son of God. (What!?! I might not LIKE what I'm called to!?!?!)

It isn't enough to do work that expresses my talents and provides for my needs----Gifts should expand his kingdom, not my career.

He bought a something that he was really excited about and got the box home and noticed it said, "Some assembly required". Dang. He just wanted to enjoy it. We're the same... we come with "some assembly required". We need to work at our relationships with God and other people. It doesn't just happen.

Scott. (About the blind man and Jesus in Mark 8:22-26)

The blindman lived in Bethsaida (meaning the house of hunting)
If he lived in a hunting town and was blind, he would have been completely dependent on those around us.

We walk around dependent on other people for our quality of life. We're also dependent on others spiritually--how they react to us, what they say to study or read.

If we are looking for people or circumstances to make us happy, we will always be blind.

We have to have a heart commitment not to look to people or circumstances.

So Jesus takes the blind man out of the town and everything he's ever known. He's out of his comfort zone. Jesus LEADS him out which requires Jesus to take him by the hand and the man has to follow. He NEEDED Jesus.

We all need to be led. We can't do it on our own. If we could, Jesus wouldn't have had to die.

Trying harder doesn't work--exhibit A: The OLD TESTAMENT!

You can only to tomorrow what you are becoming today.

Jesus SPITS in the blindman eyes. Don't miss the offensiveness of this act. It's not fun to be spit on. It's degrading, demeaning and no fun.

If God chooses to spit in my face, God is doing me a favor.

Mingo on Mt 5:13 We are the salt of the earth

-Salt was used as a healing agent.
-Salt was used to make correct paths clear--as seasons passed, they get unclear... so the salt clarifies where the path is.
-It preserves what is good

George on Isaiah's Irrevocable Call Lesson 2

Traffic makes a path hard. Sometimes our lives and hearts have so much traffic that they get hard. Pray that God would soften our hearts.

Isaiah saw God. We NEED to see God.

We're not limited by our abilities but by our vision.

Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God. Mt 5:8

Seeing God for who he is is the game changer.

(He asked us to take one minute to write down 25 attributes of God. Try it.)

(This is what I came up with: just, kind, good, loving, righteous, can't think of anything.... always present, ever knowing, perfect, unchanging, can't think of anything...... keeper of promises, always right, unchanging, there's still 45 seconds left.....)

How full is your mind of God? (obviously not very for me at least)

We need to have a fresh vision of God.

Isaiah sees God on the throne right after King Uzziah died. He sees the TRUE king.

Who is my true King? Who's directing the course of my life?

We need to see God as Sovereign. That means God is free to do whatever he wills. When God says do something, we say yes.

The Great Commission. It's NOT an option.

Is God here to enrich my life or am I here to give my life to him?

Most people want to serve God, but only in an ADVISORY role. In my prayer life, do I tell God what to do? Do I direct God instead of getting direction from him?

A boss gives us direction. God gives us direction. What if we went to our bosses the way we go to God and told them what we wanted done? (YIKES... that would NEVER fly!)

God is sovereign. We are not.

What if I saw God as Sovereign? How would that change today? Do I have plans for today? Did they come from God?

Isaiah saw God high and lifted up. He saw God as MAJESTIC. Am I in awe of God? When I think of God, does my breath catch?

I absolutely HAVE to know god.

Is God too small? What if the obstacles are not that great, but our understanding of God is too small?

The Sun is 180 earths lined up in circumference. How does our little palm block the sun when we hold it up? It's b/c our hand is much closer than the sun. Maybe our problems are closer to us than the Son. If the Son was closest to us, he would block our problems.

God is infinitely greater than every good thought of him. God could create a new universe every day and it would not even touch his creative capacity. Maybe God made an infinite amount of space out there just to prove how great he is.

You can tell the size of your God by the size of your worry list.

Gary on our Irrevocable Call

All we have is today. We've been promised an equal amount of time.

Be faithful with what you have today. Make the most of every moment of your day.

George Lesson 3 on Irrevocable Call... Ezekiel 8:1-8.

God's hand fell upon him and took a hold of Ezekiel, lifted him up and took him to Jerusalem. (By the hair on his head mind you)

What would it feel like for God's hand to fall upon me? A calling always begins with a revelation of who God is.

All the self help books are about discovering yourself. In the Bible, people discovered themselves when they discovered who God is.

God grabbed him by his hair. What grips my life? pride, materialism, ambition, worry, desire for comfort, pleasure, worry, intellect?

When God grips you, you will be elevated above the mundane. Up out of the normal.
Do I still have normal ambitions and ideas?

The world wants us to be "well-rounded". In Scripture this means dull. If we are a dull sword, then we have no point. Does my life have a point to it?

Then God brings him to Jerusalem and shows him visions

What do I envision for my life?
I need a vision of God who is the author of my life.

Not Vain Imagination--The vision we have is the map we will follow. A vision of where life could go will take me on a journey of selfishness.

A vision of God will take me on a journey of worship.

The vision God gives Ezekiel shows him the Image of Jealousy at the GATE OF THE HOUSE OF GOD!!!

God wants us to understand and see that he is a jealous God. He is zealous for his relationship with us. An EXCLUSIVE relationship with us.

The image of Jealousy represents ANYTHING that takes prominence in my life and competes for my attention. What are the idols in my life today that provoke God to jealousy?

In verse 8, God tells Ezekiel to dig into the wall to discover more visions. He digs and sees detestable images of creatures that are worshiped.

Sometimes we have to dig into our hearts to discover the images/idols that are there. Is it flippancy, rebellion, greediness, lustfulness? What is on the inner chambers of my heart?

(I told you... Good job reading it all... my heart and mind is full. Maybe your heart was tweaked by some of this... mine was most assuredly. I don't know what else to say except that I am tired and need a nap now.)

Monday, March 22, 2010

Dealing with Fear

Fear has been my biggest mountain this weekend. As I come up to the first week of Impact 195, I am filled with fear and apprehension. I am a different person without sleep. I'm starting down a journey that will demand more hours of wakefulness and a very limited amount for sleep. For example, I am working right now. I work 7Pm to 7am, will (hopefully) take an hour nap in my car and get up for classes from 9a-1pm, go home to sleep until 1730 (hopefully) and then back at work tomorrow at 7pm. I've never been one to go without sleep. Sleep deprivation has never been a trophy that I have pursued and am not impressed with those who hold it up as some great achievement. I know that God created us to need sleep-it's a physiologic necessity and many studies have proved it. In fact, one of my favorite posts of Keith Drury ( a professor at IWU ) is about sleep... here's the link:

Sometimes the most spiritual thing we can do is sleep. And so I am entering a period of voluntary sleeplessness... and I am afraid of it. Afraid of how I will treat my roommates, my patients, my coworkers, my new friends in this class. Afraid of my health, my attitude, my mental well being...

And then I remember that fear is not of God and "Perfect love casts out all fear". But I have it. So what do I do with it? How do I rectify it? How do I get rid of it? How do I get "perfect love" so that I can get rid of this fear?

I was talking to my sister today before work and she said "Isn't it sort of cool... uncomfortable, but cool that you are completely out of control in this? You have to just trust God and there's not a whole lot more that you can do."

I am definitely not at the point where I can think of it as cool...and trusting is not my strong point, but Katie say's she'll pray... so may God have mercy!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Bedtime @ 2am...

I'm transitioning to nights because thats what we do in the Navy... we go 2-4 months on days then switch to nights. So I've been on days since January and it has been beautiful. I remember one of my fellow nurses said, "Kenealy, you've been exceptionally happy the past few times I've seen you... oh yeah, you're on day shift now." And that explains what happens to me when I go to night shift. I am not a vampire nor a bat... I like the day time best. In fact, early morning is the best. It's quiet... feels like stolen time where people don't get in the way:)

But for the next 9 months I am going to do night shift b/c I'm also doing an internship at my church that goes M-F 9am-1pm. So somedays I will work 7p-7a (hopefully sleep for an hour) and then go to the internship from 9-1. Insanity, I am sure. As I discussed this insane option with the leader he said, "You're young and resilient. It will give you practice for when you have kids... I haven't slept in four years since I had kids. Sometimes we have to put ourselves in positions where it is absolutely impossible without the strength of God." (Side note... If kids =not sleeping for 18 years... you might have to count me out:/ How is that possible!?!) And so I walked away with a stronger desire to do this program.

What is the program? I don't know for sure. It's called IMPACT 195. I do know that we DIG into the word... we dig into each other and we dig into our community. All three parts fill me with excitement and anxiety. My goal for it is to Know God Better. I want to Know him, Love him and Obey him... and then sometimes the stinker in me says, "No you don't! knowing, loving and obeying God= doing crazy, scary, insane, weird things... DON'T do it!!!!" Well like I said, it's the stinker in me that says that.

The 195 stands for the # of countries in our world... we want to impact each one.

Thursday, February 25, 2010


Haiti is cancelled. It's been cancelled for almost a month. I was so sad the day my LCDR told me. That day I got reamed by a cranky patient for being 30 minutes late with some pain medications. Needless to say, it was the first day at work that I had to step off the floor and shed a couple of tears.

Changes in plans are hard. It's this trust thing that God keeps talking to me about. Living alone taught me that I am not trust worthy to myself and God is the only thing I can trust. I learned that I am dependent on the people around me. We're meant to live in community. And now I'm learning that plans are not trustworthy.

I don't know what the future in the Navy holds for me. I reached my one year mark... which means 2 more to go. Will I stay in for another three or hit the mission field overseas or go back to Iowa, or stay here in San Diego????? My bet is none of the above b/c I am so frequently wrong with plans. So I suppose I will sit back and let God do his thing with my life... he's best at directing it anyway:)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Can a person possibly prepare to experience the devastation?



One day I was working down in the infusion clinic at Balboa and a corpsman came up to me and said, "They're looking for you b/c they want you to go to Haiti." My response: almost jumping up and down (but I must try and keep my military bearing:)) and "Who! Where are they!?!" Surprise crossed his face as he said he was kidding and thought it would make me mad rather than completely excited. Maybe he was a messenger from God.

When the earthquake hit, I did nothing. I skipped the news channels, avoided the newspaper stands and internet sites, shutting my emotions to the whole thing. I didn't want to feel convicted to do anything and felt like there was no chance that I could go if I did feel convicted because of my job.

So when God's messenger (the corpsman) told me that, it was like the lights switched on in my head. I went home that day saying over and over "God, I want to go to Haiti, I want to go to Haiti." Then I would have flashbacks to being so homesick in Cameroon and seeing maggots in wounds in India, and brushing my teeth with bottled water, and never feeling completely clean while overseas. Then I would say, "God, am I sure I want to go to Haiti? I just got adjusted to life in San Diego. I have 3 beautiful women that I'm living with and loving sharing life with them. I'm no longer crying weekly at my loneliness. I feel secure in who I am and what I'm doing. I'm excited about life right now. Do I really need to step out and do something uncomfortable again?" But as I prayed and thought...I was reminded of sitting at our kitchen table talking to the recruiter about how I want to do humanitarian work and I want to go on the Mercy and that is one of the primary reasons I want to join the Navy.

And so the next day, absolutely positive and determined that this is where I need to go and what I need to do, I talked with my LCDR of my ward stating that I want to go to Haiti. But the answer was no. They aren't taking Junior Officers... they need Senior Officers. Bummer dude.

2 days later on my lunch break, she comes in and asks, "Do you still want to go to Haiti? Because I gave them your name so get ready to deploy." I lost my military bearing.

That was about a week ago. I've been at the hospital every day either working or going to appointments or getting shots or buying new uniforms to prepare. I am learning that there are no absolutes in the Navy. Flexibility, trust and surrender are key to my life right now. I've heard anywhere from you're leaving in 2 weeks to not at all. And so I have one more thing in life that reminds me that I am not in control. There is nothing I can do except prepare and then wait.

I am ecstatic. I am nervous. I feel dread. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel at peace. I feel blessed. I feel thankful. I am positive that God will put me where he wants me and keep me in the palm of his hand therefore, I am okay.