Saturday, April 17, 2010

How bad do I really want this?

Wednesday morning after working 2 12 hour shifts and having a restless bit of sleep the day before (from drinking coffee too late in the day I've concluded), my boss pulled me into her office to tell me she is going to reject my request to go to nights. What this means is that I will work days and have to miss a lot of my classes. She said she would deny the request for various reasons... some good, some questionable in my eyes. The entire time I was thinking "Oh God, Oh God, what do you want me to do? What do you want me to say? She's going to take this opportunity away from me! How can this be happening!?"

After much discussion and asking her to reconsider, I went to the back and cried my eyes out. I called me poor dad and sobbed... the kind where he said, "Danielle, you need to breath." --oh yeah... but my heart hurt so badly that it was hard to breath. So I went to IMPACT with puffy eyes and a shaky voice. My small group prayed for me and that my boss would reconsider in my favor.

Today I returned to work and I am on the day schedule. So now I wonder if God is asking me how badly I want this. How far are you willing to go? I'm going to have to go up my chain of command so that I can express how much I want to do this program and how it will benefit the Navy. This is so scary and intimidating. So the prayers will continue.

And to be authentic, I haven't been praying. I've been cleaning, sleeping, watching tv and hanging out with friends instead of praying. I haven't knelt at God's feet and listened.

I'm afraid sometimes to sit at God's feet and listen. But today I did... I read Psalm 97 and prayed. And then I slept 3 blissful hours that felt like 8 hours when I woke up. Maybe he really does refresh better than anything else... including my favorite show The Office:):)

No comments:

Post a Comment